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Clearing out my work Outlook mailbox after the conference. Realized I had a particularly interesting exact number of unread messages.
No, my “l337″ score is not all composed of 13 thousand real, actual e-mail that I’ve blown off. I also get deluged with messages from system error logs, new Web site accounts, bookstore purchases, and new Twitter followers, all of which get filtered nicely into their own special folders for later assessment. Still, pretty sweet timing.
If you didn’t understand this post, you are a n00b.
Going through my Google Reader articles, I came across a recent article on AriWriter that raises the same issue that has been percolating in my mind recently: just when is it best practice for a Web site to force a link to open in an external (new) window?
The “Web standard” these days — based on my own unscientific assessment of the sites I visit — is that “internal” links — those going to another page or article on the same site — should open in the same window, while “external” links — those pointing to different sites, such as my link to AriWriter above — open in a new window via the HTML attribute “target=_blank” in the <A> tag. What has confused me, though, is the increasing trend by my coworkers to utilize the “target=_blank” parameter on every link off of major portal and homepages, even if they just point to lower-level internal pages.
The problem with this trend is that many browsers don’t like the forced pop-up window and are now programmed to block it by default. For instance, browsing my company Web site, I can’t even open the links in the embedded Flash movie on my Mac running Google Chrome without right-clicking to open the link manually. Hence my confusion.
I have not seen any new Internet best practice dialogues extolling the virtues of hijacking the user’s experience and dictating for them what does and doesn’t open where. Like Ari, I am more of the Jakob Nielsen school of Web practitioners, and his famous thoughts on the matter still ring as true as ever:
Opening up new browser windows is like a vacuum cleaner sales person who starts a visit by emptying an ash tray on the customer’s carpet. Don’t pollute my screen with any more windows, thanks (particularly since current operating systems have miserable window management). If I want a new window, I will open it myself!
Designers open new browser windows on the theory that it keeps users on their site. But even disregarding the user-hostile message implied in taking over the user’s machine, the strategy is self-defeating since it disables the Back button which is the normal way users return to previous sites. Users often don’t notice that a new window has opened, especially if they are using a small monitor where the windows are maximized to fill up the screen. So a user who tries to return to the origin will be confused by a grayed out Back button.
This, of course, is different from linking to non-HTML files such as PDF documents, where Nielsen contends that it is not only proper but sensible to open the file in a new window with various elements of the browser chrome (UI buttons, title bar, etc.) eliminated. Here, I respectfully disagree and use the same internal/external standard as I do with any other link. In this day and age, users are pretty much used to seeing PDF files, and these files now feature many of the same dynamic elements that populate Web pages so there is little need for a distinction any longer.
I guess there really is no correct answer to the question posed by this article’s title. But if any random fellow Web Monkeys stumble upon this article for whatever reason, I’m curious to know what you think.
I am pleased to report that my first-ever “foray” — pardon the pun — into the world of podcasting is now live! Go download “This Week in Media” Episode #173 today and listen to us banter for an hour on advertising addressability and why content is king, live from Transformation 2010 in San Francisco, CA!
Big thanks to TWIM hosts Daisy Whitney and Alex Lindsay for including me on the show; it was a real blast and I am incredibly appreciative for the opportunity. I am also glad to report that Daisy and Alex are just as cool and awesome in real life as they are on the Interwebs!
So, my personal assessment of my performance? A few “eh’s” and “you knows” peppered my words, but for the most part I’m pleased with the way I carried myself and with the comments I made. Fortunately, my “co-guest,” Art Sindlinger, Starcom’s Digital Activation Director (that’s a title I’d kill for!), was super knowledgeable and carried the meat of the show, allowing me the opportunity to hit and run with my comments as needed. I also fully understand how you never actually sound the way you internalize it in your own mind, but wow my voice is far more “Noo Yawk” and nasal than I ever expected. I sound a little like Kermit the Frog…why has nobody ever told me this?!
But again, a good time was had, and I’m incredibly grateful for the opportunity. I hope I did everyone — including the Powers That Be at the 4A’s — proud.
Cross-posted at 4A’s Events Blog.
Whether you work in the advertising/marketing community, the association world, or anywhere in between, chances are you have been to quite a number of conferences over the years.
These conferences are all the same on the surface, to a certain extent. They provide an opportunity to meet and share information/stories with colleagues the world over, to learn from the latest and greatest speakers, and to even get a few choice meals on the company dime.
 The Magic Ingredients That Transform Into...Swag! But beyond the perks, a conference doesn’t happen on its own. It takes a dedicated array of talented and tireless staff to pull all of the pieces together: from senior executives schmoozing the key players, putting together the grand vision, and recruiting the top stars, to middle managers coordinating the communications, Power Point/Keynote presentations, Web and blog postings, and video interviews, to trusted vendors running a seamless online and in-person registration and check-in process to absolutely tireless stage and conference staff working all hours of the night rehearsing every Voice of God intro and negotiating even the smallest detail with hotel personnel. We are a team, all here for the express purpose of making a show the very best it can be!
 900 Bags At the Ready at the Registration Desk After all, someone has to fly out two days early to stuff 900 bags with all of the awesome swag that winds up in our suitcases on the way home! Like the empowered consumer that now stands at the forefront of content and message creation, it’s the person you never anticipate behind the scenes that is making the magic happen.
With nearly 1000 attendees lined up, Transformation 2010 is looking like it will shape up to be a phenomenal success. So, if you are here at the Hilton Union Square in San Francisco and see someone walking down the hall wearing a red “staff” badge, stop and say hello or perhaps even offer a word of thanks. We are here for you anytime, and a little good will can go a very, very long way!
See you tomorrow at General Session!
So I came back to my hotel room last night, after the maid had cleaned up, and, upon entering the bathroom, felt as if something was…amiss. Can you spot the cause of my confusion?
The story of Joseph Stack is a tragedy, of an extremely confused and disturbed man who sought to terrorize innocent civilians and employees of the government in the interests of his own sick, twisted agenda. It’s also, paradoxically, a tale of incredible fortune and serendipity.
Unfortunately, it also seems to be an opportunity for partisans on both sides of the aisle to utilize the situation to claim false piety and warp events to their own needs. I shall dub this trend a new meme I’ll call “fuckery,” and define it as such: “the tendency for a non-political tragedy to become exploited by someone for political gain.”
Let’s start with the deep “thinkers” at Think Progress, who cornered US Representative Steve King (R – TX) and asked him if Stack’s actions were motivate by the right-wing, anti-tax rhetoric of the Tea Party movement. These actions, attending an opposition’s conference, cornering an elected official, and hitting him with a leading question are classic fuckery at its finest.
Ignore the fact that Stack seemed to be a big fan of the Communist Manifesto, but the attack on the IRS is at best coincidental to the Tea Party movement at best. Enough with the hand-wringing over root causes and “why do they hate us?” touchy-feeliness; both sides of the political aisle have their own wide array of nutjobs and extremists willing to torture any concept or leave no citizen unkilled in defense of some sick conspiracy theory. That’s why they are “extremists,” and they come in all shapes and forms. To politicize any particular act and use it as a means to attack those you lie in mere rhetorical disagreement with–that, constant reader, is pure masturbatory fuckery.
Not that King should be spared in this sad caper. His own hemming and hawing response to the pointed question is also an example of fuckery.
TP: Do you think this attack, this terrorist attack, was motivated at all by a lot of the anti-tax rhetoric that’s popular in America right now?
KING: I think if we’d abolished the IRS back when I first advocated it, he wouldn’t have a target for his airplane. And I’m still for abolishing the IRS, I’ve been for it for thirty years and I’m for a national sales tax. [...] It’s sad the incident in Texas happened, but by the same token, it’s an agency that is unnecessary and when the day comes when that is over and we abolish the IRS, it’s going to be a happy day for America.
TP: So some of his grievances were legitimate?
KING: I don’t know if his grievances were legitimate, I’ve read part of the material. I can tell you I’ve been audited by the IRS and I’ve had the sense of ‘why is the IRS in my kitchen.’ Why do they have their thumb in the middle of my back. … It is intrusive and we can do a better job without them entirely.
Granted, King is just a man and was unprepared for the question when poised, but we should and must expect better from our top representatives. So, for perpetuating the myth and ironically giving all limited taxation and fiscal prudence advocates a bad name, Representative King gets an honorary degree in intellectual fuckery. Congratulations!
 Diagram stolen shamelessly from Wikipedia Much like the wonders of the world beyond the Earth, the intricacies of the human body fascinate me to no end. That a seemingly unending array of complex, specialized cells, proteins, and amino acids work together to perform the life-sustaining functions of metabolism is a miracle in and of itself, be it one of divine inspiration or evolutionary accident (or perhaps a bit of both).
Take the gastrointestinal tract. Literally, the system is a giant, 20-foot-long tunnel through your body starting at the mouth and ending in the old posterior. Through that span, nearly a dozen different organs churn and digest materials that pass through, extracting the good stuff for continued sustenance and expelling the rest in a familiar form. Again, unless it’s physically absorbed, the food that passes through you technically never enters your body; it just takes a detour through a tunnel/cavity built through you for that express purpose.
Yet, if something goes wrong in this process, damned if it doesn’t feel like the world is coming to an end.
I met a college buddy for dinner the other night at Smith and Wollensky’s steakhouse to catch up and celebrate his new-found engagement. Over the course of the meal, I managed to consume:
- 1 whole portion of buffalo mozzarella and tomato salad;
- 24 oz. ribeye steak (heavily marbled)
- 1/2 side order creamed spinach
- 1/2 side order hashed brown potatoes (a complementary gift from the restaurant)
- various breads and butter
- 2 very large and strong vodka tonics
This was now nearly 48 hours ago, and still my insides have not recovered. For much of yesterday, my stomach gurgled an uneasy rhythm while my digestive system fought to violently remove the large volume of content contained therein. My head has alternated between massive throbbing and the spins of vertigo. Commutes to and from work have proven perilous journeys indeed, filled with fear and trepidation that the wrong things could happen at the wrong time.
Even now, after a benign lunch of warm tea, white rice, and bland grilled chicken, I’m still not feeling myself. Will this journey into indigestion ever end? Will I finally be able to stop popping Zantac and Immodium as if they were candy chiclets? How can one tunnel that’s not actually even in your body influence it so?
All that wonderful imagery aside, at least this episode has convinced me to NEVER attempt to undertake one of those 78 oz. “challenges” they have at many steakhouses.
As another light snow fell during my morning commute, I was taken by how quiet, tranquil, and stunning my fair adopted neighborhood of Douglaston felt. So, I whipped out my trusty iPhone to take a few images in commemoration.
 Snow still gently perched on branches before a gust of wind sends it flying once again.  Snow-covered LIRR platforms (thanks for not salting, MTA)  The gray, still marshland of Little Neck Bay
 Not content with twice-weekly multi-state Mega Millions, Lotto, Take 5, Win 4, Daily Numbers, Sweet Millions, Pick 10, and Quick Draw, New York State is now offering PowerBall — the original multi-million, newsmaking jackpot bonanza — as well as part of its standard lottery offerings.
I guess this has to be expected in the wake of profligate government spending, unchecked public worker salaries, and a massive resident exodus from the entire upstate region. No good revenue stream can go unpursued, right? Next up: the Aqueduct Racino, located mere miles away from the video terminals of Empire City in Yonkers.
Still, damned if the commercials running in New York for Power Ball aren’t filled with hilarious awesomeness.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yk0D0eZCg8w
It’s fascinating how society has evolved games of chance to the extent they have proliferated across the world. Between casinos, lottery, and backroom numbers, it feels as if everyone is involved in some sort of gambling activity somewhere. Is it society’s means of controlling the masses, by offering a tantalizing pipe dream of completely random luxury and opportunity for all regardless of brains or motivation? There has to be a reason why casinos are filled with the oxygen-tank-wielding, wheelchair-bound elderly and poor, right? Focus on the next trip to Atlantic City, and revolution feels very far away. It’s the hope without the change, even.
Now, of course, I play in the casinos as much as anyone, but I try to at least keep my gaming in areas where I maintain a small degree of control. Even when I play slot machines, I carefully scout and study the panels and payoffs first. Like heck will I waste my hard-earned money on a billion-to-one chance for a miracle.
 I could see the smoke from miles away on the Whitestone Expressway, a thick acrid black shroud of destruction tearing its way through a commercial strip in my hometown Jackson Heights. In the aftermath, it would turn out to be a four-alarm fire of questionable (or at least “unknown”) cause and all storefronts on the block proved damaged beyond repair, including the candy store my parents have bought their daily newspaper in for 34 years, the dry cleaner I dropped my first professional suits off at, and the liquor store that fueled many a nightcap for my dad.
 Coincidentally, the next block over also has seen its share of closings recently, including that of the Cavalier Restaurant, the last old-school restaurant/pub of its style in the area. Now, all of the restaurants I frequented with my folks — the Cavalier, Luigi’s Italian Restaurant, and the Dragon Seed Polynesian Restaurant, are long gone. Even the successor for Winston Bagels, where I honed my arcade skills on Street Fighter II and Double Dragon, closed down the other week (albeit to eventually be replaced by Slim’s Bagles, my new adopted favorite establishment of Little Neck/Bayside).
In a world of rapidly escalating rents and explosive, unchecked development, events such as these cannot be considered a surprise. I remember when Zena’s Hallmark and Glendale Bakery — the last holdouts of a similar commercial row on 82nd Street — mysteriously went up in flames many years ago, with a brand-new ten-story office complex arising eventually in its place. In the face of big ideas and bigger rents no vestige of an old-fashioned community will be left unbulldozed.
The other day, I mentioned how, when the government is given the responsibility of providing healthcare services for a population, it becomes inevitable for it to begin to reach further into this sphere of influence and begin to make decisions of life and death or sponsor official New York City-branded condoms. It’s in its economic interests to do so. Yet, when charged with maintaining infrastructure such as sewers, electricity, transportation — the first elements basically any communal government should maintain — the City seems paradoxically paralyzed from maintaining reasonable regulations and preventing the further erosion of quality of services due to overconsumption.
Perhaps, in this instance, it’s because the economic incentives of the mayor and legislators lie not in saving the government from unnecessary burdens, but rather in lining their own pockets in special-interest donations.
 Arriving soon, courtesy of the municipal government of the City of New York: the “official” NYC condom, in a special limited designer edition!
After assessing hundreds of possible package designs for a special limited-edition NYC Condom, a panel of judges has selected five finalists. The Health Department has received nearly 600 entries since December 15, when it invited New Yorkers to design a wrapper that would “capture the city’s distinctive culture while promoting safer sex.” Designs have flooded in from all five boroughs, and as far away as Perm, Russia. The judges’ top picks are now posted on the NYC Condom’s Facebook page and on the Health Department’s website, where New Yorkers can vote for their favorites. The polling starts today and will continue until 11:59 p.m. on Sunday, February 28.
“We want to thank all of the creative New Yorkers who participated in the package design contest,” said Dr. Thomas Farley, New York City Health Commissioner. “We still face an epidemic of HIV/AIDS and high rates of other sexually transmitted diseases. When used correctly and consistently, condoms can prevent these infections as well as unintended pregnancies. Involving New Yorkers in this issue is one way we are reminding those who are sexually active to use condoms whenever they have sex.”
This is why the government should not become involved in the health of its constituents. Once the state has been designated a party responsible for social well being, it is likely (and logically sound) for it to begin to interfere in the lives of its citizens and advocate for outrageous, expensive, previously unheard-of programs such as designer condoms.
I mean, seriously, the City’s official Web site even has it’s own subdomain assigned to the product: nyc.gov/condom (with the tag line “Get Some!”) and a Facebook fan page. There are just some things you never imagined you’d see — or want to see — on public property, you know?
Besides, these are nowhere near as cool as the subway-themed ones from a few years back…
When you are faced with a career in the political arena — filled with countless public appearances and speaking engagements — suffice to say you are going to have more than a few gaffes. However, when these misstatements come in the biggest, most carefully vetted speech of the year — such as in the State of the Union Address — well, then I have to say either your quality control sucks or you just aren’t trying.
Take this gem from last week:
“We find unity in our incredible diversity, drawing on the promise enshrined in our Constitution: the notion that we are all created equal…”
Now, in all fairness to President Obama, he was being schooled on sharia law in Indonesia while the rest of us were learning our history and geography, but hopefully the President would know that the turn of phrase he is referring to comes, of course, from the Declaration of Independence, and not the United States Constitution.
Of course, this is also coming from the man who thought that there were 57 states in the Union, that he had a mystery uncle who liberated Auschwitz, and that “Austrian” was spoken in Austria. At what point do we have to break out the old phrase used so fondly during the 2004 election cycle: “Dangerously Incompetent?”
Now, do I think the president is a moron? Not at all; he’s a bright guy, and we all make mistakes. Still, the media and late-night pundits were apt to crucify George Bush if he so much as mangled a single syllable in a given day, and former Vice President Dan Quayle is still known more for misspelling “potato” than for any accomplishments of his administration. I’m just waiting for all of the people that called Bush a “chimp” or “Curious George” to apologize and understand that it’s much harder being in the spotlight every day than we give our leaders credit for.
One of the most stunning stories to hit the Internet in the past weeks has to be the saga of Newsday, the traditional Long Island newspaper owned and operated by the enigmatic Dolan family. Back in October, the paper took its entire Web presence and placed it behind a subscribers-only firewall available only to area residents with a Cablevision account or to those willing to pay $5 a month for access.
So far, they have managed 35 total subscribers.
That astoundingly low figure was revealed in a newsroom-wide meeting last week by publisher Terry Jimenez when a reporter asked how many people had signed up for the site. Mr. Jimenez didn’t know the number off the top of his head, so he asked a deputy sitting near him. He replied 35.
Michael Amon, a social services reporter, asked for clarification.
“I heard you say 35 people,” he said, fromNewsday’s auditorium in Melville. “Is that number correct?”
Mr. Jimenez nodded.
Hellville, indeed.
The web site redesign and relaunch cost the Dolans $4 million, according to Mr. Jimenez. With those 35 people, they’ve grossed about $9,000.
The numbers definitely back up this sharp decline, as Newsday.com now trails far behind local rival Web sites for the NY Post and Daily News, and continues to trend downward.
I suppose such an inept business practice should come as no surprise from the same team that has run Madison Square Garden and the NY Knicks into the proverbial ground. The concept of micropayments for Web content is not a bad or merit-less idea; I’ve long supported the model for premium articles, such as opinion and analysis pieces. However, unless thousands of top sites band together under a universal payment system — say, five cents per article — charging for a news service that is free elsewhere, or of limited utility outside of Nassau and Suffolk counties, makes little sense from both a mindshare and, more importantly, an advertising viewpoint.
I’d call it another nail in the coffin of Big Liberal Media, but when the Dolans are involved it might just be safer to chalk it up to general incompetence.
So apparently in another life I was actually Chinese. Or Inspector Gadget.
Stolen shamelessly from Francase Place.
With over 500 tweets collected and logged into an Excel spreadsheet related to the Cadillac Escalade Hybrid, certain key phrases and reactions become readily apparent. One simple way to organize and display this data is via a “word cloud” — a randomized visual display of the most-repeated words in any given accumulation of text, with size representing relative frequency. To create this cloud, I removed from the tweets any references to other users and hypertext links and then inserted the text as one large block into the cloud builder on Wordle.net.
Here’s how it looks:
A visual display of repeated consumer sentiments helps to further make repeated comments literally jump off the screen.
- The word “oxymoron” in relation to the product’s green branding and limited environmental benefit proves that this concept was not lost on the consumer base.
- “Just” and “gets” often appears in tandem with “MPG” as most-repeated turns of phrase, in relation to the vehicle’s fuel economy.
- Other negative repeated words: “trust-fund,” “pissed-off” and “Paris” (as in heiress Paris Hilton).
Not all reactions were negative, of course. Many textbook positive indicators of consumer needs and wants also appear often in the collection of user comments: “like,” “love,” “need” and “want” also appear scattered throughout. In addition, the word “saw” can be interpreted to indicate that many consumers are so profoundly — either positively or negatively — moved by the product when seeing it on the street that they felt compelled to comment on it via their preferred social network. Regardless of sentiment, it’s definitely clear that the Escalade Hybrid invokes serious and frequent “buzz” among the appropriate target demographics, and any buzz is better than none at all.
On behalf of the voters of New Jersey and now…Massachusetts???
Let’s face it, our lives are pretty decent, and for that we should consider ourselves blessed. We in the United States and other nations of the “West” are not torn apart by political strife, genocide, or cataclysmic natural disasters. For the most part, we all are able to wake up each morning, safe and sound, and have our greatest fear of the day revolve around some minor political agreement or office productivity issue.
This freedom and safety, though, also serves as a double-edged sword, because it leads to dangerous over-thinking and over-analysis when the situation should just be left alone. So, to that extent, I propose the following radical concept: if you work in any form of nonprofit environment, you would be best served to only stay in that field for ten years, maximum, before moving back to the private sector.
Let’s start with working for the government. Sitting at the seat of power in a free society can be a great burden indeed, and the call to serve your fellow man is not one to be taken lightly. It’s also true, though, that absolute power (or relative power) corrupts absolutely (or relatively). Government workers often have tremendous benefits and job security — I know, I was once one of them for nearly a decade. As such, there is little incentive to maintain a top level of productivity. At the very top, elected officials can become prone to corruption in the hands of overzealous lobbyists or even demand that staff address them as royalty in a misdirected sense of self-importance. Or, even worse, you can wind up holding the highest office in the land and, with no clue how the world really works, find yourself absolutely paralyzed to make the right decisions on any issues. The poisoned official or bureaucrat leads to rampant regulation, taxation, and nanny-statism.
What about the halls of academia? Is that vaunted higher education really worth all it used to be, or merely a piece of paper granting entrance into the world of management? Tenure and philosophical “purity” lead to dangerous thinking and woefully incorrect teachings and research — such as that all men are closet rapists that use prostitution to quench their naughty tastes. It’s not even the ridiculousness of such a topic that’s the problem — it’s that millions of dollars in research have gone into supporting such a theory. In a world where profit and staying in business are the top concerns, would such overthought even see the light of day?
Finally, we have associations. A great community filled with great people that I love working in. But it’s also one that feels very incestuous, as in everyone knows everyone else and does business with the same people and retweets the same tweets and blogs the same blogs. No doubt some great ideas do emerge about revolutionizing the business, but in an insular community where your board of directors are more concerned about their next trip to the St. Regis, I can’t help but wonder if we aren’t exposed enough to other ways of thinking and don’t wind up falling back too often on the same vendors and services (who, again, are great, but just do one thing one way). Especially in days where membership is at a premium and nonprofits are struggling to find a means of staying in business through the next few years, is going back to the same well over and over going to get it done?
So, for your own sake, get out and embrace the real world. Meet new people. Discover new ideas. Open your own business. Feel the stress that comes from worrying about where your next paycheck will come from. Complacency is the enemy of innovation. Let those hairs on the back of your neck stand on end and in turn discover that next great big idea (or even mediocre one)!
 Hey, can you do me a favor? Can you remind me just which American political party is the one that’s always portrayed in the media and during debates as the one filled with horrible, filthy racists and elitests? I don’t see any Republicans making the news lately for absolutely beyond-the-pale outrageous statements aimed towards President Barack Hussein Obama.
No, I’m not even talking about former KKK kleagle Robert Byrd. Not this time, at least.
Let’s start with the Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, he of the vow towards creating the “most ethical Congress in history.” Apparently, he has some theories as to why and how Obama became the 44th POTUS.
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid offered an apology on Saturday to President Barrack Obama after making off color race remarks.
Reid, a Democrat from Nevada, was quoted in a new book as having said that Obama did not have a “Negro dialect, unless he wanted to have one” and that he was popular because he is “light skinned”.
Not to be outdone, though, former Democrat President Bill Clinton — he of countless scandals, alleged corruption, and his own rhetorical stylings of being the “first black president” — apparently longs for the good old days of segregated country clubs or perhaps even the plantation lifestyle.
[A]s Hillary bungled Caroline, Bill’s handling of Ted was even worse. The day after Iowa, he phoned Kennedy and pressed for an endorsement, making the case for his wife. But Bill then went on, belittling Obama in a manner that deeply offended Kennedy. Recounting the conversation later to a friend, Teddy fumed that Clinton had said, A few years ago, this guy would have been getting us coffee.
A lot of the liberal mentality, as held by the masses that populate the coasts and other urban areas, is genuinely rooted in a (misdirected) means towards promoting equality and justice for all persons, of all faiths and colors. Make no mistake, though: the ruling class that these liberals elect, though, share no such dream. They know that they only way they can maintain power is to promote policies that actually incentivize poverty and welfare and inhibit increased distribution of prosperity. Given that the unfortunate racial makeup of these downtrodden communities, one cannot help but wonder who the true racists are.
Undoubtedly, when I return to the office tomorrow, I’ll hear cries and wailing anguish from the Powers That Be about how they know so much more than I do about Web design, communications, and marketing — despite the fact that I’m the only one with a masters degree (sort of) and a decade of experience in the field. But it’s all good. In this digital day and age, a Web site is a company’s primary public relations and messaging vehicle, so a little “heat” comes with the valuable territory.
That being said, sometimes issues present themselves that, in fact, are the fault of the company and present a bad face to the outside consumer. These issues, from poor interface to technical snafus to simple matters of infrastructure, are ultimately as important as whether or not the Flash movie on the homepage is called a “leaderboard” or not, and, without prompt resolution, render all other debates moot.
Today’s journey across the Web begins with Time Warner Cable of New York and New Jersey. Approximately one year ago, TWC did a fantastic job of upgrading its Web site and online account information into an aesthetically pleasing, Web-2.0 look and feel, complete with colorful prompts, modal windows for user interface elements, and a crisp, simple, elegant design. All in all, the site is a joy to use and pay my monthly bill on — and let’s face it, eliminating as much of the pain as possible for the customer when forced to fork over large sums of cash ultimately cannot help but improve the overall accounts receivable outlook for any organization.
Too bad the darn site just doesn’t work in my Web browser of choice, Google Chrome. By this, I don’t mean it merely displays a little wonky or feels a bit “off,” I mean the site literally shuts down and tells you to get the fuck out:
I won’t pretend that, as a Chrome user, I’m not a tad on the bleeding edge of early adopters when it comes to browsing software. That being said, the days of dominance of Internet Explorer are slowly coming to an end, and whereas a Web team could once build sites and programming solely for Microsoft’s platform of choice, today the line is becoming a bit more blurred. The decision to “close off” the entire site is also somewhat perplexing: there are any number of PHP, .NET, JavaScript, Drupal, Joomla, Wordpress, and Cold Fusion sites that work across any system — I browse (or have helped build) hundreds of them every day. What sort of weird, proprietary client-side code is Time Warner running that just completely renders a non-standard browsing experience a total failure? That must be a bear of a code base to maintain and update.
Poor design.
Cleanliness and organization are, quite honestly, not among the strongest elements of my personal skill set. That doesn’t mean that I don’t know where everything is; in fact, I can precisely tell you where most items can be found in my apartment…on the floor.
This system has to change. A clean, well-organized apartment is integral to my overall plans for 2010 to be a year filled with peace, calm, and tranquil productivity. So, first up to be tackled: my overflowing closets.
For a studio, my apartment is positively overflowing with ample storage space. It’s just that I’ve consistently thrown everything I can into them randomly and without rhyme or reason as deemed convenient. Parents coming to visit? Grab some of that mess on the floor and dump it in the closet. Tired after a hard day at the office? Roll that shirt into a ball and fling it somewhere deep.
Ah, look at that perfection. The shelves on the left are broken down by “content type” (shorts, non-dress pants, hand towels and washcloths, shower towels, belts and miscellany, and laundry soaps and bleach). The top shelf in the main section houses extra sets of sheets and pillowcases. The middle shelf is my wide array of t-shirts (colors, whites, and colors), and the largest compartment houses my work attire (dress pants, suits, ties, and shirts).
Across the hall lies my other main closet, where pretty much everything else lies. Christmas decorations and crap I have no use for take up the floor space and top shelf. The left shelf is for sweaters, the right pajamas. Finally, the main closet houses my various sports jerseys, polo shirts, Tommy Bahama shirts, long sleeve shirts, turtlenecks, and other sweater-like pullovers.
Truly, these are works of feng shui art, and will set the course of my new, zen-like approach. I give it a week before I destroy it utterly.
Oh, and there’s also the matter of the Mount XL, the stuff that no longer fits my hefty size and/or predates my time in college. This must be dealt with swiftly, and — where appropriate — perhaps even charitably.
I have always had massive issues getting a full and rest-filled night’s sleep. My anxious and over-worked mind finds it nearly impossible to wind down in the evening, and when factoring in some pretty significant issues with loud snoring/sleep apnea, it’s no wonder I’m always tired and ready for a nap.
My worst sleep-related flaw, though, has to be snoozing. I set my alarm clock on work days for 6am, but damned if I get out of bed before 7:15, usually with a massive rush to get showered/dressed to follow.
So, to combat this latter symptom, I asked for a Christmas gift from my folks: a helicopter alarm clock. No, it’s not a giant transformer or shaped like a chopper. It features an actual, working propeller that, when the alarm goes off, takes off and flies around the room until you physically get out of bed, track it down and stop it. Don’t believe me? Here’s the video:
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KcuSGb0OgDg
Eh, so it’s a work in progress that will likely wind up just crashing into the ceiling and hitting me in the head every morning. But kudos to the designer for engineering a seemingly brilliant solution to an age-old problem.
Now can someone assist me with that night-time “Brain Power Off” button?
 You may be surprised to hear it, but the biggest danger facing each and every one of us today isn’t the pressing near for healtcare reform, or a slow and shaky economy, or even those nasty, racist, evil conservative teabagger protesters that are so mean and uncooperative towards President Barack Hussein Obama.
Nope, it’s a bunch of Muslim fanatics based in Asia and Africa that want to kill us and end our very way of life.
We very fortunately narrowly avoided a Christmas Day Massacre thanks only to the ineptness of a would-be, now-phallusless suicide bomber, despite all the best intentions of Homeland Security officials, passengers, and the like. But don’t worry; Obama and his top representatives are “on” the case, don’t you know? The mainstream media is doing all it can to tell us this is the case, notwithstanding the fact that the President might not have heard about the foiled attack until nearly three hours after it happened…and then managed to go back to the gym and golf course for a little rest and recreation. Surely, there will be a movie about his paralysis to act called “Farenheight 12/25″ soon, right?
But don’t worry again, rather than starting to profile and screen passengers based on their potential risk (the bomber’s name was curiously Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, not Peter Smith) or more carefully focus on threats emerging from Yemen and the African contingent of Al Qaeda, the Transportation Security Administration is going to prevent us all from using laptops or drinking that last bottle of water during the final hour of international flights.
I, for one, feel so much safer now!
 The Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution clearly states:
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.
It’s one of those inalienable rights set forth that helped set America on the path towards being, for two hundred years, the single greatest force for freedom and privacy in human history. Barring a justified cause — and appropriate legal documentation — there ain’t nobody that can come into your abode and take you away for thinking the wrong thought, expressing the wrong idea, or engaging in the wrong action (to the accuser).
While you were out Christmas caroling, debating the healthcare fiasco, or even catching up on your DVD watching, President Barack Hussein Obama quietly moved to undo the United States Constitution by granting the international police force INTERPOL unlimited rights to run amuck throughout our nation.
Last Thursday, December 17, 2009, The White House released an Executive Order “Amending Executive Order 12425.” It grants INTERPOL (International Criminal Police Organization) a new level of full diplomatic immunity afforded to foreign embassies and select other “International Organizations” as set forth in the United States International Organizations Immunities Act of 1945.
By removing language from President Reagan’s 1983 Executive Order 12425, this international law enforcement body now operates — now operates — on American soil beyond the reach of our own top law enforcement arm, the FBI, and is immune from Freedom Of Information Act (FOIA) requests.
Got that? The Right gets a bad rap for allegedly wanting to curtail liberties in the names of morality and safety in the public debate, but let’s be honest: it’s the Left that consistently has proven that, if you dare to question their brand of political thoughtspeak, it’s off to the gallows for you.
Now, I find it hard to believe that this Executive Order can stand as legal if challenged in court — not only is it unconstitutional, it seems to vaguely resemble an element of international treaty that would require a Congressional seal of approval as well.
That being said, is it really far fetched to wonder if, one day, the International Police Force of the New World Order might come, apprehend, and even execute you for daring to speak against it, or for not having the correct carbon footprint, or for serving in a prior war that it deems now worthy of prosecution for War Crimes?
The plans are already being formulated, my friends.
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