Anthony Weiner: It's Over

American hero Andrew Breitbart (link by way of Ace of Spades HQ) puts the final nail in the coffin of United States Congressman Anthony Weiner's political career.

I'm not happy or satisfied. It's disgusting and disgraceful that this weasely, wimpish turd reached the lofty levels he did. Hopefully he will resign in the next 24 hours and we will be done with his ugly face and sociopathic tendencies once and for all.

OK, I lied. The real reason I'm not happy is because these chest shots unfortunately confirm (or render as highly likely) that the bulging member we have previously seen does in fact belong Weiner. I've now seen Anthony Weiner's alleged erection. That is a turn of events I would not wish upon anyone. We are all losers for becoming mired in his sick sexual predation games.

Man Impaled By Air Hose, Inflated to Extreme Proportions, Survives?

Anthony Weiner is not the only man filled with a lot of hot air these days, as a truck driver in New Zealand suffers one of those "one in a million" events that proctologists only dream of. 

McCormack, 48, was standing on the rigging between his truck and trailer at Waiotahi Contractors when he slipped and fell onto a brass valve that was connecting the truck's brakes to the compressed air supply. The nozzle pierced his left buttock and air rushed into his body at 100 pounds per square inch.

"In a matter of minutes, my body blew to twice its size," McCormack told New Zealand's 3News.

His boss, Robbie Petersen, witnessed the accident and told ABCNews.com, "His body started to literally blow up and before we knew it, his face went up like a balloon."

Definitely a "wow" story from last week's news, and fortunately McCormack is OK and recovering after his coworkers managed to shut off the power to the air supply and keep him still until paramedics arrived. I guess the driver now knows first hand why Dig Dug was so successful hunting down Pookas and Fygars in his garden.

Why Weiner Matters

Anthony Weiner: Still a Douchebag

Here's why the story known as WeinerGate matters. Say he really did send a photo of his erect genitalia over the Internet; this means a sitting member of the United States House of Representatives is trolling the Internet for nubile young babes and porn stars and sexting them from his public (official) Twitter account. For that, he should be removed from office and possibly (if the advances were unsolicited) even labeled a sex offender.

And if he is innocent? Then we have a case where a sitting member of the United States House of Representatives was the victim of cybercrime, and regardless of party the matter should be taken very seriously and the offenders hunted down and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

Beyond that, as -- I may be repeating myself here -- a sitting member of the United States House of Representatives, Congressman Weiner is accountable to the public. We, the people, are his bosses, not vice versa. Much like when President Obama was asked to provide his birth certificate, the notion that matters not specifically on-message or related to a specific political agenda are mere "distractions" that should be ignored, and not legitimate inquiries, is a sign of precisely what sort of cancerous elitest mentality permeates our newfound "ruling class." If our elected officials are unaccountable to anyone, how can we entrust them with guarding the sanctity of our inalienable rights?

Show Me Your Weiner!

It's the best story of a long holiday weekend that the mainstream media won't be telling you about. An outspoken and brash Democratic Congressman from New York City, connected by marriage to the Clintons and reportedly positioning himself for a run at Mayor in 2013, sends a picture of "a man's" engorged member to a college student from Seattle.

Or his account was hacked. Either way, it's quite the sordid tale. Let's look at the facts.

1) Congressman drops a completely random Seattle reference in a tweet related to a television appearance.

2) Later that evening, a Seattle-area student (who had previously referred to this same Congressman as "her boyfriend") receives a public mention on Twitter that includes the offending photo.

3) The Congressman then casts his account as "hacked," yet also immediately regains access and tweets with abandon right after the incident.

4) Both the photo and the student's entire online social media persona have subsequently been swept down the rabbit hole into oblivion.

Let's assume first that the account was indeed hacked, and that our honorable representative acted with total nobility and honesty. In an age of rampant identity theft and where the President of the United States can reauthorize controversial provisions of the PATRIOT Act via e-signature, isn't it of paramount import that our elected leaders have the most secure communications and platforms possible? Surely, the calls will come soon from Representative Weiner for a full investigation by the Department of Homeland Security and the Federal Bureau of Investigation, right?

Otherwise, by contrast, we have yet another case of a sociopathic individual abusing the powers of elected office for personal, perverse, predatorial sexual gratification. Given how strong and handsome the Congressman appears to be on his Twitter avatar, I know you as shocked as I am, dear reader, with these revelations.

Verum Serum's exhaustive research seems to have uncovered an unhealthy and unwise connection between the Representative's Twitter account and numerous nubile and impressionable young ladies. Meanwhile, Ace of Spades HQ has utterly obliterated the "hack" argument by putting us into knowledge and facts regarding the timeline and likelihood of said hack. And the always-indefatiguable Other McCain links to the systematic elimination of Genette Nicole Cordova from the entirety of the Interwebs.

I think it's safe to assume at this point where the truth falls. Either way, though, Weiner has been uncovered to be an incompetent techno-n00b or a pervert. Not a great Memorial Day weekend for the Congressman from New York.