I Am “Elite”

Clearing out my work Outlook mailbox after the conference.  Realized I had a particularly interesting exact number of unread messages.

No, my “l337″ score is not all composed of 13 thousand real, actual e-mail that I’ve blown off.  I also get deluged with messages from system error logs, new Web site accounts, bookstore purchases, and new [...]

One of These Things Are Not Like the Others

So I came back to my hotel room last night, after the maid had cleaned up, and, upon entering the bathroom, felt as if something was…amiss.  Can you spot the cause of my confusion?

Ummm…

So apparently in another life I was actually Chinese.  Or Inspector Gadget.

Stolen shamelessly from Francase Place.

Oh Noes! You’ve Been Tea-Bagged!

On behalf of the voters of New Jersey and now…Massachusetts???

2010 Resolutions (aka Let Me Show You My Closets)

Cleanliness and organization are, quite honestly, not among the strongest elements of my personal skill set.  That doesn’t mean that I don’t know where everything is; in fact, I can precisely tell you where most items can be found in my apartment…on the floor.

This system has to change.  A clean, well-organized apartment is integral to [...]

“House, MD” Season One: A Review

In the interest of full disclosure, “House, MD” could be my favorite television show of all time.  The combination of pithy, sarcastic humor, witty banter, and grave seriousness match my own twisted personality nearly perfectly, and I can easily watch each episode time and again, one after another, without even remotely suffering from boredom or [...]

What’s Opera, Doc? Gets All the Press…

…but I think “Rabbit of Seville” is so much funnier and more brilliant. The best cartoon of all time.

Rabbit of Seville, featuring Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd (1950) @ Yahoo! Video

I Can Haz Educashun?

Without question, the Internet has proven itself to be a magical fountain of bottomless knowledge and human know-how.  I don’t think it’s an underestimate to say that more learning has been facilitated via the limitless collaboration and exchange provided by the global medium in the past decade than perhaps in any other period in human [...]

My Life: Cartoon Edition

An old-school post for longtime readers…

(Stolen shamlessly from somewhere on the Internets.  No, I don’t really believe this is “my life” anymore.)

Who is Tony Bernazard?

Amidst the chaos and unrelenting waves of injuries and shoddy fundamentals that have plagued this 2009 New York Mets season, another character has emerged from the fray.  A galvanizing force that has united the legions of blue and orange fans in their unrelenting hatred for his callous style and enigmatic stranglehold over top team brass.

I [...]

Spider

I love to joke around and play games; I call myself the Sad Clown for a reason.  But sometimes I guess jokes can go too far.

Very rare that a short flick like this can make me shout “Oh My Fucking God!” two times in rapid succession.  Brilliant work!

Thanks to the gorgeous teejaycee, who also haz [...]

Heh: The Origins of Marketing

Sometimes I love my adopted career path.

Stolen shamelessly from Jonathan MacDonald.

Dreamweaver Fail

I was working on a blast HTML e-mail for work, and good old Dreamweaver decided to be extra helpful and tell me the following:

It’s an error box that says “No error occurred,” in case your resolution is too small to read the text.

Good to know!  Thanks Dreamweaver!

Winnie the Pooh and the Case of the Swine Flu

Stolen shamelessly from The Big Picture.

On This Earth Day

I do what I can to contribute my fair share to the global resource crisis.

Stolen, of course, from the always-awesome someecards.com.

A-Rod Enjoys a Night Out on the Town

The Mets may have had a fairly lousy and eventful offseason, but Alex Rodriguez has not exactly been the picture of quiet dignity these past few months, either.

First, A-Rod abandoned his wife Cynthia for a flaccid affair with his “soulmate” — an aging, skeletal whore you may have heard of named Madonna. Then, [...]

Mocking Douchebags in an Inalienable Right, the Constitution Says So!

Congrats to the owner and operator of the Web site Hot Chicks With Douchebags, who successfully had a defamation lawsuit filed again his book and site dismissed on the grounds that the uber-hott plaintiffs were suffering from an incurable case of douchescroatitis.
A New Jersey judge has dismissed a defamation lawsuit filed by three women whose [...]

At Least the King of the Cassel Wasn’t Sitting on the Throne When It Went Down

This uncorroborated story came to me via an e-mail from a friend. I am pasting it below and make no judgments or conclusions as to its alleged chain of events.

Patriots’ Cassel urinated on at Super Bowl

According to a gossip column in the NY Daily News, Matt Cassel was urinated on in the bathroom during [...]

Somewhere, 5 Million New Yorkers Say In Unision, "Attaboy Chuck!"

While cable television stations repeatedly aired a certain comedy featuring Bill Murray and the rest of the United States marveled at the exploits of Punxsutawney Phil, New York turned its focus onto the other, lesser-known inhabitant of the underground frozen tundra, Staten Island Chuck.

Chuck, unlike his rodent brother, predicted a much-needed early end to the [...]

Blogging Rules of Engagement

Never one to miss an opportunity to analyze the potential outcome of any situation in the name of preparedness, the US Air Force has made public its actual, 100%-legitimate “Rules of Engagement for Blogging.” And you know what? It positively reeks of awesomeness.

Amazing, and scary-accurate as a portrait of the overall blogosphere. [...]

Pleased to Meet You, Here’s My Card

Wouldn’t you love to walk into a meeting with an unruly client or bloviating manager and just start handing these out instead of your standard business card?

Somewhere, Patrick Bateman weeps.

Because I Can

Time once again for the pic that keeps on giving.

Yes, We Can

I’m an embarrassment to Barack!

I only scored 14 on the Obama Test

Greatest Photo Ever?

This is so full of win I think it could actually be the best thing to ever grace the Interwebs.

Courtesy of my new favorite random blog, Fuck You Penguin.

One of Those Posts…

First off, here’s a recent excerpt from the Web comic XKCD. If that’s not devastatingly brilliant I don’t know what is.

So yeah, I’m going to write one of those posts, dear readers. You have been forewarned.

With respect to the above, it gave me a little pause. Talk about an encapsulation of woman [...]