Geek Soap Box

Much like the wonders of the world beyond the Earth, the intricacies of the human body fascinate me to no end.  That a seemingly unending array of complex, specialized cells, proteins, and amino acids work together to perform the life-sustaining functions of metabolism is a miracle in and of itself, be it one of divine [...]

Arriving soon, courtesy of the municipal government of the City of New York: the “official” NYC condom, in a special limited designer edition! After assessing hundreds of possible package designs for a special limited-edition NYC Condom, a panel of judges has selected five finalists. The Health Department has received nearly 600 entries since December 15, [...]

Many New Yorkers woke up this past Monday morning to a mixture of shock and amazement, as a number of local Dunkin’ Donuts franchises operated by the Riese Restaurants corporation were replaced overnight by Tim Horton’s, the similarly themed chain famous up north in the frozen Canadian tundra.  The “beef” between Riese and Dunkin’ owner [...]

I love to joke around and play games; I call myself the Sad Clown for a reason.  But sometimes I guess jokes can go too far. Very rare that a short flick like this can make me shout “Oh My Fucking God!” two times in rapid succession.  Brilliant work! Thanks to the gorgeous teejaycee, who [...]

I don’t know about you, but if it ever comes to pass that I need to be cut wide open and have my insides poked and prodded by a trained specialist, I want to be freaking out cold when it happens and remember nothing upon awakening. In India, though, some revolutionary new techniques involve keeping [...]

I think it’s no secret that I love the finer things in life — a little massage here, a thousand (or two) DVDs there.  This naturally extends towards my diet as well, where — as a live-alone bachelor — I must say it has degenerated into awfulness. Pizza with extra cheese and meatballs, hero sandwiches, [...]

Congrats to the owner and operator of the Web site Hot Chicks With Douchebags, who successfully had a defamation lawsuit filed again his book and site dismissed on the grounds that the uber-hott plaintiffs were suffering from an incurable case of douchescroatitis. A New Jersey judge has dismissed a defamation lawsuit filed by three women [...]

This uncorroborated story came to me via an e-mail from a friend. I am pasting it below and make no judgments or conclusions as to its alleged chain of events. Patriots’ Cassel urinated on at Super Bowl According to a gossip column in the NY Daily News, Matt Cassel was urinated on in the bathroom [...]

I have been remiss if I have not mentioned my deep and undying love for the tidbits emerging from The Yankee Years, Joe Torre’s tell-all expose revealing the hated Bronx franchise for all of its sordid mess. First came the revelation that his teammates referred to Alex Rodriguez as “A-Fraud.” Now comes wind of Roger [...]

The amazing thing about the Internet is…I believe it. H/t to Street Carnage.

You know that rather unpleasant olfactoral emanation that results from the expulsion of air from the human anus? Turns out the chemicals composing the gas play a key role in the regulation of blood pressure, and even might be able to alter the affects of hypertension when therapeutically utilized. The new research found that cells [...]

How can we all go on knowing that Anne Hathaway did not in fact profess to Esquire her love of all things anal sex? So, which of the following things is the worst? 1) We all believed the original story without a moment’s hesitation or skepticism in this anything-goes, instant-gratification Internet society? 2) I was [...]

The Montauk Monster, which terrorized and/or reduced Long Island residents to mild apathy, has possibly been revealed as — surprise — a part of a viral marketing campaign for the movie Splinterheads, currently filming nearby. I guess we all should have known it wasn’t a killer mutant pig creature washed ashore from the government facilities [...]

Last Friday was a sun-soaked day spent mostly amidst the biting mosquitoes on Pine Island, Florida. Throughout the time outdoors, I kept thinking I was going insane because I would note little evidences of movement out of the corner of my eyes, only to disappear when I focused on the source. Finally, one offender stopped [...]

Cast aside your tall tales of the Loch Ness Monster, the Jersey Devil, or the Yeti. The folks on the sleepy end of Long Island have them all beaten, courtesy of the strange decomposing behemoth now known as the Montauk Monster that washed up ashore this week. Not quite a pig, not quite a dog, [...]

Think you have seen it all on the Internet? Well, I’ll see your Rule 34 and raise you Gay. Transformers. Porn. Don’t believe me? Fresh off a hard-fought victory, Optimus unleashes his Prime on a vanquished Megatron. Look, I’m just the messenger, OK? Don’t take it out on me.

The most famous law of the Internets? If something exists on the Web, somewhere there’s a porn of it. It’s known as Rule 34. This includes fake Mythbusters Goatse pics. For the love of all that is holy, do not click on that link unless you are not at work and of a sick mind. [...]